Miracles do happen every day seen or unseen , felt or unfelt but occurs.
I am sharing an integral page of my life with you all , to instill a new hope , Faith which has the power to make Miracles happen .Life is nothing but a battlefield where every individual fights for something you can name it as fame , money , good relationship, disease, motherhood and it goes on…..
This is dedicated to all gorgeous woman fighting silent battle of infertility and craving for motherhood…..
It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.
It was spring as per the season’s clock but summer had already shown it’s presence in the first week of march 2016.
I was basking in the glory of my pregnancy at it’s early stage , stepping into the wonderful and most awaited journey of a woman.One of the most precious time for any couple who are about to be first time parent.
Though destiny had different plans for me , I could not have the company of better half , which any woman would have cherished for.The day when I was declared pregnant was also accompanied with the news of transfer of my husband to Chandigarh from city of joy “Kolkata”.
Nevertheless the company of my in laws had vanquished the pain of my spouse absence.The onset of spring is also special for us, as we celebrate Dad’s (father -in -law) birthday . My baby bump was not that protruding and I was able to move around easily , so to make that day special had baked a cake and prepared few delicacies that he loved to have .
A token of love from daughter in law , we three celebrated that day in our own humble way .Summer nights are usually restless , warm and at times irritating if there is no electricity. I was feeling restless last couple of days I could feel some action down there in my abdomen, the pain was quite subtle similarly to onset of monthly menstruation . I quickly warded off the negative thoughts from my mind.
Was not aware of the silent footsteps of the nightmare that was lurking in future.Two days passed after birthday celebration and it was around 3 am early morning when I found myself wet , I thought I have peed and rushed to the washroom .To my horror when I was about to flush ,the entire floor as well as the toilet pan was blood red .My hopes and dreams of motherhood started sinking ,mustered some courage and with snail pace moved to awaken my in laws who were having peaceful sleep.
They too were nervous and thought , miscarriage happened.Out of nervousness I felt nauseating and that further created pressure in my abdomen, with every bout I could feel myself bleeding…
My Mother in law is a courageous woman and she took hold of the situation, she quickly asked me to lie down and elevated both my legs by keeping pillows beneath them. I was totally bed rest and only moved when I had to go to the washroom. In a fraction of time going to washroom became nightmare , was horrified as if someone is pushing me into a pitch dark room with no sign of light.
What’s best at this middle of night , with two aged parents and husband miles away, questions started hovering from all corners of my mind. I tried calling my doctor’s secretary who was a warm lady with tons of patience and golden heart.Unfortunately she did not pick up the call. Had no other option but to call my doctor to ask the best possible advice , whether to wait till morning or immediately rush to the hospital for help.To my utter Surprise he picked up the call in just one ring and very patiently asked me to calm down wear a pad and lie down ,saying it happens in early pregnancy nothing to worry about.
“Try to sleep and call me in the morning ” was his last statement.
I revere him next to God in all literal sense , a great Doctor by profession and a warm, compassionate , human being Dr.Sudip Basu. Sudip means ” Bright , illumined ” whose mission of life is to bring happiness of motherhood whoever is his patient.
Those five hours were the toughest and roughest time that I faced in my entire pregnancy , with clock’s tick tock my heart was thumping as if competing with time.
Tried my best to control my tears but they found their way to my cheeks as a new Brooke. Tug of war was going on in my mind , my heart said God can’t be so merciless everything will be fine but my mind said ” NO ” usually most of the miscarriages happen in first 13 weeks of pregnancy. Things are pretty unsure during first trimester as a result most of the women across the globe don’t breakout the news of their pregnancy publicly during this tenure except for family and close friends.
When anxiety enters your mind sleep instantly says goodbye , tried to follow my doctor’s advice word by word but failed.After half an hour, sleep had left my house all three members were restless and were already in dilemma.
In this digital era the first help or information that you look forward after human intervention is search engine , GOOGLE. Looked for all possible information, started looking for blogs and comments from expectant mothers in same situation.Found few positive as well as negative comments , so I had 50- 50 chance either miscarriage or just a hiccup before a beautiful journey. My Mil was keen that I should call my hubby and convey my bleeding but I was reluctant as I knew that next morning he was heading to Kolkata if I would convey him , he would try to reach that day itself by hook or crook though he won’t reach before evening.
I still remember the confidence that my husband voice carried ,on hearing his voice at 3.30 am ,I was almost about to cry my lungs out in despair but he was very sure of positive outcome and nothing could derail this journey.His assurance instilled a new hope and confidence in me, to stay strong.
“Faith is taking the first step even if you don’t see the whole staircase…..
Unflinching Faith is always answered .My Faith on Supreme power was always there but this untimely incident had shook it .Thanks to my better half consolation which regained my faith and made it strong never to dwindle.
I started chanting Krishna’s name with all my devotion and prayed hard with tears flooding my face. Could not wait long called up my Mom at sharp 6am , did not want to stress her out but just had to share it with her.
It was 8am and was still bleeding the moment I got up from bed , called up my doctor and he advised to get admitted in the hospital , he made arrangements by informing the staff beforehand.
The moment I stepped into the hospital I dried up , funny isn’t it . Immediately rushed to the scan room , followed by several blood test .
Sighed relief the moment I witnessed my tiny tots jumping actively ,one was literally waving his tiny hands , everything seemed normal .My doctor personally called up the doctor doing my ultrasound and discussed my status.He was assured that my pregnancy was safe except for mild detachment of placenta from uterus. All blood reports seemed normal , stayed under observation for another three days in hospital.
Happily came back home , thinking it was just a hiccup.The nightmare came back with vengeance , again after two days I witnessed spotting several times in a day .Though Doctor assured me nothing to worry as spotting was of brown colour indicating old blood in the uterus.
For first time expectant it was not an easy experience to gulp down .Being a Science graduate I understood the phenomenon but was scared .Everyday in and out experiencing spotting was not easy to experience with speculation and anxiety. Are my babies alive ? Are they growing ?? Is everything fine down there??
With aged parents I was not even in a position to share my woes or pain as my in laws are high blood pressure patients . Always tried to put up a relaxed self keeping my spotting a secret.
Was not able to share my pain with my better half even as he was already overloaded with his workpressure , moreover was staying alone .Where to vent out my anxieties and stress ?? Believe me it was the name of Lord Krishna that absorbed all my anxieties and pain like sponge . I used to watch animated episodes of little krisha on my i -pad or phone .HE infact became my best buddy with whom i could vent out all my anxieties and found solace.Anxieties started fading away though my problem still persisted. That’s the power of Faith.
Stress is the worst enemy that you can experience during your pregnancy as it effects the well being of both mother and foetus.
Every month my husband paid a visit to Kolkata to see if everything is smooth . Secret was out of the bag he too was anxious deep down but did not express it.We both went for a scan to make sure if everything is fine but even after a month the tear was still there and had deepened further more. My doctor said that it might be placental abruption which is causing bleeding for so long, it was nearly a month . This totally shook me , as I could comprehend this medical condition of pregnancy.
“Placental abruption ” is a condition in which the placenta is detached from the inner lining of uterus. This usually occurs in the third trimester of pregnancy and the reason for it’s occurrence are not very certain.There is no medicine or treatment that could check this condition. It’s absolutely fatal for the foetus and causes heavy bleeding with miscarriage.
Kolkata is believed to be the land of Goddess Kali, a Hindu goddess of death, time and doomsday but is considered a strong motherly figure and symbolic of motherly love. I truly believed deep down that in this land of hers ( Kolkata) she gifted me motherhood and now she can’t snatch away that. I asked my husband to visit the famous Kalighat temple at the riverside of Ganges and seek her blessings on my behalf. The next day he visted early in the morning and brought flowers and prasadam as her blessings. I kept the flowers under my pillow just to feel that she is with me in all my worries and pain . That day my spotting continued but the frequency had decreased.
Next day I woke up with a new confidence , feeling fresh and energetic as if blessings had worked wonders but I was scared to death as usual to go to washroom .Out of frustration and anger I was literally instructing my body “For heaven sake why can’t my spotting stops forever “.
As if the universe had already conspired favouring me . Entire day passed and there was no sign of blood , in the evening my hubby left for Chandigarh .
Felt his absence but had to endure that pain , life is no bed of roses , it has its own share of ups and downs.One day passed but the fear still persisted .With every passing day my confidence boosted and was freeing myself from clutches of anxiety .A week passed by and I was clean with no sign of blood .Time started fleeting and couple of months passed , stepping into my final or third trimester. All this while I was a carefree expectant mother wondering the looks of her babies but my anxiety bell again started ringing the moment I stepped into 28th week of pregnancy. It’s quite common in twin pregnancy to bleed in last trimester. Nightmare of going to washroom again came back .
This time a timid expectant mother had blossomed into a strong and confident woman who had full faith on her Lord to bestow her with bountiness.
I started believing if you keep your faith, you keep your trust, you keep the right attitude, if you’re grateful, you’ll see God open up new doors.
My ultrasound revealed that, the tear that threatened my pregnancy was gone , it had healed .It was nothing than a miracle at least for me that my bleeding stopped at once the day after the darshan of Mother Kali at Kalighat temple and now the tear had healed completely , eliminating all red flags of danger.From that day till the day of my delivery I never experienced bleeding not even spotting.
All you beautiful woman out there have Faith in Almighty and all your doctors , they too are revered as God as they are the only person to give you life back.
Trust HIM and no dream is far away to achieve…..I delivered two beautiful and healthy babies, a boy and a girl.