How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

Only a happy mother can raise a happy child. It might sound easy but only a mother knows what all she has to go through to keep herself calm. Toddler phase is the toughest of all and any mom would vouch for that. Right now I am in that phase.

At times it’s nerve-racking or even more terrifying and dreadful. You feel like jumping out from your balcony or bang your head over the wall or even throw your little ones out of the window. I know, I might be judged here but believe me, at times our dark side comes to the surface when we are driven crazy by our tiny tots.

Judging a mom is an easy task as everyone expects that role to be perfect but we forget that at the end of the day a mom is a human too. A couple of years back I too had judged a mother when she confronted in one of her Facebook posts that while raising her daughters often she used to feel like throwing them out of the window when they were cranky. Now, I find her post so true and honest but back then I thought how a mother could be so harsh.

Judging her then was easy as I was yet to be in her shoes . Now, when I am in that phase of raising two twin toddlers I could actually relate what her words meant.

Yelling or screaming at someone was never me but surprisingly it has become a part of my life now.

Until recently when I realized;

Yelling silences your message.

The other day when my 3 yr old daughter snapped back at me saying “Mumma, don’t yell at me”.”You are a bad girl”. Angrily stomping her feet and walking away to seclude herself in a cosy corner of the house.

That day I realized that it might be an easy way to dominate on someone temporarily but definitely not an effective way for sure. Controlling your anger is not an easy task when your little ones drive you crazy but there had to be a beginning for a better parenting.

The next day I started working on myself for a better tomorrow. Sharing my action plan here to calm myself from inside and take the route of gentle parenting.

Actions that helped me to be a better parent

Meditation

I need not highlight the health benefits of meditation as we all are well aware of it. Began with few breathing exercise or pranayama that helped me soothe down. Breathing exercises slows down your heart rate and helps you to calm down absorbing all your fear, anxiety and stress. You start feeling it after a few days of meditation itself.

Exercise

To start exercising was a daunting task for a lazy person like me. I took one week to set the rhythm but managed to do it regularly. I started warming up myself with a brisk walk for 15 mins followed by few stretch ups.

Doing the exercise for just 30 mins every day for 5 days in a week can do wonders to your overall health. Exercises releases endorphins or feel-good hormones that render you a positive feeling and helps you to be less irritated. When you are happy and contented from inside you tend to lose your temper less.

Positive affirmation

Books provide you with so many new perspectives which we are hardly aware of. Recently, I got a chance to read one of the Top Ten bestsellers of the non-fiction book “The Power of Subconscious Mind” by Joseph Murphy.

This book introduced me to how positive affirmations can create miracles. How affirmative thinking can direct your mind to take appropriate action for the desired result.

It is said if you do anything continuously for twenty-one days it becomes a habit. Now, it’s my bedtime routine to read my affirmations helping my subconscious mind to unleash it’s the power to materialize my desires.

Self Care

Motherhood is an overwhelming journey where mothers hardly find time for themselves.

After gaining motherhood, “Self-care” is a non-existent word in a mother’s dictionary. All she knows is to focus on her child so much so that she forgets herself completely.

We moms are sleep-deprived creatures on top of that we neglect our health by not taking proper diet. This neglect leads to irritation and resentment.

Low levels of B vitamins are known to cause depression, irritability, and fatigue. In particular, vitamins B6, B12, and folate are one of the nutritional deficiencies that can cause anxiety and depression and have been linked to a wide range of mental and physical health problems. Taking supplements would definitely help us to be a better parent.

Be a listener

Often mothers lose their sanity without understanding what the child wants or are wishing for. Children most of the time are fussy because of hunger, sleep or some physical discomfort that they are not able to express. Understanding the core reason for being cranky could give better control to any parent.

Mark your Calender

You don’t achieve your goals in a day and certainly not complete control over your anger. In spite of tremendous efforts at times, we can’t hold ourselves from yelling and could mark that day to keep a track of how often we are distracted from our goals. This would help us to know how often we are doing it and what is triggering our anger.

Count till ten

This sounds little weird but a great way of channelizing your negative emotions and abstaining from frequent outbursts. Whenever you feel that you are building up your anger just close your eyes and start counting. By the time you end up your anger vapourises.

I am still working on the above golden rules that have definitely laid the foundation of the groundwork for better parenting. Have come a long way from where I had started.

If you find this article helpful, please spread the word and share your thoughts for raising a better generation.

You can also read Quest for motherhood became my Shakti

Self-love: The first lesson of motherhood that I learnt .