My Friend Alexa

Quest for Motherhood became my Shakti.

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Decisions shape our life; at times we repent and many a times we are glad to have taken that.

Your Life Changes the Moment you make A New, Congruent and Committed Decision.

– Tony Robbins

It all started when we were enjoying our stay at Queen of Hills, Shimla. Nature out there was simply spectacular and picturesque to fill our mind and soul. We were celebrating our fifth marriage anniversary in the cradle of nature, serenity and tranquillity. That day with every call from well-wishers there was an underlying message, an urge to become “Three from Two”, in short, when are you going to be parents.

We had enough enjoyed our couple time, now the time has come to embrace higher responsibility. The Mission for attaining parenthood was given the green flag. We tried our best with the alarm clock set in my mind not to miss a single chance during the ovulation phase of my monthly cycle.

Alas!! Even after a year, our efforts bore no fruits and age factor had also started kicking in, especially in my case. We had to knock the doors of gynaecologist seeking help to conceive. After primary and secondary investigations all looked good, a new hope ushered and there was positivity all around us.

Soon our world came crashing down when I did not conceive even after all medication and trial for a continuous 5 months. Couples who conceive naturally have lady luck beside them.

Believe me, it’s a painful process where up-gradation of treatment meant more medicines, frustration and the dreadful injections.
Soon I was upgraded to IUI treatment (Intra Uterine Insemination). Three attempts, every month an average of 4-5 shots of injection. Though dreadful but manageable as the numbers of injection were in single digit.
Destiny was testing our patience, especially mine. All three attempts failed at the best hospital of Kolkata. I was walking in a tunnel of despondency where I could see no streak of light. For me, it was an unending journey of frustration and hopelessness.

Doctors advised us to take up surgery as I had a small uterine fibroid. Though fibroids are very common in the uterus and most of the women in their productive age have it, they are usually harmless.

 They are removed only when they are either too big or malignant in nature. The doctor advised us to go for Myomectomy. The fibroid looked harmless but it could be causing hindrance for conceiving, that’s what they said. I dared to take a chance as that was the only ticket to fulfil my dreams of experiencing motherhood. It’s better to make the decision than none at all. I took the plunge.

The decision was made to go for surgery and then again try for IUI for two more attempts.

My family left the decision on me and they assured that they would always be my side no matter whatever happens. Till date, I thank my stars to have such supportive in-laws and husband.

We were unaware of the nightmare that was waiting for us. The storm was yet to come and befall on my family more than me. It was a laparoscopic operation not a major one though and I was in the hands of the best surgeon of the city.

With hope in my heart and smile on my lips, I entered the OT, looking into my soulmate’s eyes till we could exchange glances. When I got my senses and slowly opened my eyes, all I could see was nurses and doctors around me. I was put on a ventilator; a huge pipe was forced deep down my neck. It was difficult to breathe and no way to express except for gestures.

After five minutes I could see my mother -in – law and she was all in tears but my hubby looked strong. He gave me a big smile. A smile of assurance that all’s well nothing went wrong. The storm has just passed unharming us.

To cut the story short, the operation was a harrowing experience for my better half and MIL (Mother -in -law), I had collapsed on the table itself in the mid of the operation. My blood pressure had dropped for some reason and then shot up to an extreme level as a result heart stopped beating, resulting in Pulmonary oedema. It’s a medical condition where the heart pumps backwards to fill water in the lungs making breathing difficult. It took me three days to attain normal blood pressure and get discharged from the hospital.

I had a close brush with death. The story doesn’t end here. After that blow, my husband took a firm decision to remain childless. The entire hospital had come to pay a visit and they all said in one voice that he cried like a baby. He thought that he had lost me forever.

Three years passed in a jiffy and we decided to stay just as a couple, eat, pray and live our life on our own terms. No futile chasing for parenthood.

Time heals every wound but the quest for motherhood still lingered in my heart, as a silent prayer.

When you want something badly then even Universe conspires for you to receive it the way you want.

Another U-turn of my life and I decided to go for IVF aka Test Tube Baby. The decision was tough, had to convince a lot to my better half who was dead against for undertaking any trials further. He did not want to risk my life or undergo any harrowing experience that he went through in my previous operation. Well, after a lot of discussions and arguments finally we both decided to take the plunge.

It all started with injection shots on a daily basis, those hormone injections are not a pretty affair to deal with. You feel completely exhausted and your body does not have the strength to finish errands. In my first attempt of IVF, I took nothing less than 200 injections.Again a minor surgery to extract eggs from my ovary but today, when I look back all those pain, suffering, nightmare and not to forget dreadful injections, were worth taking when I see my tiny tots giggling around me.

My first attempt of IVF was successful which is usually rare. The life lesson that I got while attaining motherhood was not to hesitate to take a decision when your heart aspires for something. You might not get success but you have the satisfaction that at least you tried to achieve your dreams.

There is no success without trial. Life Experiences while attaining motherhood journey taught me one important philosophy ” Hakuna Matata” . The phrase came from the iconic Disney movie “Lion King” meaning to live your life without any worries and believe everything will be alright. The Hakuna Matata philosophy is not to run away from your problems and challenges but to face it head on with all your courage even when you are scared to do so.


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12 thoughts on “Quest for Motherhood became my Shakti.

  1. You are such a strong woman I must say. I can feel your pain and frustrations for not conceiving. It is so hard to put things down like this. I too has a difficult time conceiving and had a series of miscarriages but all seems worth watching my little one giggle

  2. When we want something badly and feel all doors are closing, we become desperate to attain it. Good that after all the ordeal and difficulties, you were successful in conceiving. May be god was testing your will.

    1. Yes, HE was testing both my faith and will power. What kept me going was my inner voice that was so strong that it always told me, I would be a mother one day. One should always trust the inner voice . HE is the one residing in every soul just need to open ourselves to feel HIM more.

    1. That’s a huge compliment when you are bound to go through several articles in a day. Thanks for your kind words. It means a lot to me.

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