Couple of days back I came across this beautiful song “I love me” by Meghan Trainor, loved the music and the lyrics that beautifully pens down what Self-love is. Though, I learned to love myself first before others, quite late in life. Yes, earlier I was prioritizing other’s happiness, feelings and desires over mine, so much so that I ruined my own career.
“Self-Love”, this pearl of wisdom dawned on me after I attained motherhood.
Motherhood, in short, is “Epitome of unconditional or unselfish love” ❤️ especially for your kids. Well that’s the notion entire world has. Even that’s what I felt till I delivered my twins.
City of Joy, Kolkata, gifted me the best moment of my life, when I heard the cries of my twins. A long wait for motherhood finally ended, couple of years back when I least expected it.
It was 27th July 2016, the eventful day of my life, around 11 am I was crowned as a mother. My twin pregnancy was medically termed as “High risk” pregnancy as a result of which I was not only house arrested in fact room arrested. Twenty-four hours in one particular room of a house for 9 long months is like a penance for an outgoing girl. By God’s grace and my severe penance, I had healthy twins. Combination of a boy and a girl as twins was icing on the cake, entire hospital staff including my doctor and nurses were jubilant on my twin’s arrival.
At least in my life, happy moments are always accompanied by few hiccups, though my twins were healthy but my son’s weight was little less as per the medical protocol, so to be on safer side they shifted him to NICU ward. As parents we were relaxed, well aware that the shifting was for precautionary measures nothing more. But, my mother -in – law was quite disheartened for not having a glimpse of her grandson, as NICU was strictly for parents only.
This little hiccup also augmented my unconditional love for my kids by several folds. The only thing that was going in my mind was I have to feed my son as much as possible so that his immunity is not compromised and his weight quickly increases. Forgetting about my battered body and stitches that I had for C-sec delivery. Though doctors insisted to feed my son next morning I was determined to feed him that very day itself. In the evening around 8 pm, I mustered all courage and tried walking with the help of a nurse. I had to walk down to another floor which was nearly 40 -50 steps away from my room, luckily had the privilege of using lift and not steps. Tears were trickling down my cheeks with every step that I took out of pain, trying to drag my legs as I hardly could lift them, my feet were drastically swollen after delivery.
I continued going to my son’s ward frequently and also to my daughter’s nursery so much so that I hardly had the time to have a proper meal which was equally important for a breastfeeding mother of a twin.
My battered body started giving me signs, reminding me the famed lines “too much of anything is bad”. Later in the evening, I had severe pain in my abdomen especially around the stitches. A lady gynecologist entered my room for the routine check-up, a smart lady with short hair congratulated me with a smile. I hardly could respond her back with the same enthusiasm, she quickly reverted back by saying “Any problem”.
I said “I have to frequently visit two different wards situated in two different floors, that has caused severe pain in my stitches”.
She smiled me back and asked “Have you ever traveled by air?” I said “Yes” with a perplexed look. She then said “Must have heard the instructions given by air hostess before take-off?” I was still wondering the underlying message that she was trying to give. She then uttered those golden words “You have to wear the oxygen mask when there is an emergency before helping others, even before your kids”.
She said, “a healthy and happy mother can only raise healthy and happy kids”. This sentence changed my life forever.
I would be forever thankful to that lady doctor who rendered me one of the most vital lesson of my life. It was crystal clear in my mind that Self-love is not selfishness, but an important potion, to your very own existence.
That was the eventful day when I started prioritizing myself first, whether it’s my dreams, my hobbies, my desires anything that uplifted my spirits.